By Lord KC Darkharte
Greetings, loyal subjects! it is time to rumble once more and we’re going in hard!
Okay, y’all know I abandoned the obituaries a while ago, but this time I have to. You see, Amok Time, arguably the greatest episode of Star Trek: TOS ever has taken another hit from the reaper. We lost Arlene “T’Pring” Martel and the legendary Leonard Nimoy in fairly rapid succession, and DeForest Kelley had passed many years ago, but now we’ve lost Stonn when Lawrence Montaigne passed, leaving William Shatner as the only remaining member of the cast from the famous fight scene… RIP, Mr. Montaigne.
Juicy Tidbit 1: Lawrence Montaigne never got why people loved the character of Stonn so much. Said it seemed like he just stood their glaring and didn’t say much but for some reason people loved him. I guess it wasn’t something he had to really understand, like most things with Trek, it just is.
Juicy tidbit 2: Leonard Nimoy considered leaving Star Trek for Mission: Impossible, Lawrence Montaigne was the anointed replacement. Man, how different would that have been? I can’t even fathom a world where anyone BUT Leonard Nimoy played Spock, even with a new guy having played the role in three movies. Sorry, but I’ve got to cosign Sheldon Cooper on this one: Zachary Quinto, live long and suck it.
Okay, now on to other subjects, though I’m probably going to go back to Trek before too long, trust me.
Kong: Skull Island was AMAZING! It’s impossible to go wrong with Tom Hiddleston, John Goodman, John C. Reilly, and Samuel L. Jackson and Skull Island absolutely did not. Still weird for me when Samuel L. Jackson goes through a whole movie without saying motherfucker though…
Oh, and treat this one like a Marvel movie, people. DO. NOT. LEAVE. EARLY.
So, did you know Nichelle Nichols had considered quitting Trek after the first season? Yup, true story. Know who talked her out of it? Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Mull this over: Gene Rodennberry, a white man, creates the show. Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, a woman with her Hispanic husband, fought tooth and nail to make sure this show happened, they triggered this whole obsession, and Martin Luther King, Jr. between saving America from Jim Crow, managed to find the time to keep an iconic character from leaving the show, really saving the Trek we all came to love. Don’t let the media and their constant negativity fool you, loyal subjects, people of all races CAN come together for good purposes. Think about that.
Sick to death of the constant nasty political banter. Never have I seen political discourse be so vile from both sides. I mean, I get it, you all want to think your candidate is Obi-Wan Kenobi and their candidate is Darth Vader, but guess what? They’re both Jar Jar Binks! And they’re all run by a bunch of corporate Wattos behind the scenes. Wanna know all you need to know about politics? Here ya go! Republicans are red, Democrats are blue, neither of them give a fuck about you!
But, the good news is this: Lord Darkharte loves you. So you’ve got that going for you, which is nice.
It was even weird for me that Samuel L. Jackson didn’t say motherfucker in any of the Star Wars prequels. I mean, can’t you just picture Mace Windu in Episode III when Anakin is whining about not being a Master saying “Sit down and shut up, motherfucker!”
Can’t just be me……
So, the number one movie in the world is the live action Beauty and the Beast, starring Emma Watson as Belle. The same Emma Watson who was supposed to be in the now cancelled Friday the 13th. I mean, it’s almost like nobody thought that people would come see that movie just because it’s Emma Watson. I mean, could it be that Hollywood execs have no imagination or foresight?
YES!!!! Hey, Hollywood, wake up, morons! Make this shit happen!
So we can’t get the new Friday the 13th, but they’re remaking Stephen King’s IT… Didn’t that abortion of a new Rocky Horry Picture Show teach people anything? Like, oh, I don’t know, if Tim Curry did it first, he did it right and maybe we should LEAVE IT ALONE!!!
Please, please, leave something great from my childhood un-raped, Hollywood…
So, it was recently brought up that there should be sort of an Expendables of comedy and, I gotta say, I really like the idea. However, if we’re going to do this, we’ve got to do it in the style of the Expendables movies and that is to bring back our favorites from the past for a sort of cinematic victory lap. So, that in mind, here we go, Lord Darkharte’s comedy Expendables!
Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, Joe Piscopo, Dennis Leary, Gabriel Iglesias, and Margaret Cho.
Thinking about getting into Konflikt ’47. It’s a tabletop war game that basically is a weird, semi-sci-fi version of WWII. Picture it: German Walkers…
So the world is flipping about LeFou dancing with a dude in the new Beauty and the Beast yet nobody notices all the chicks dancing together in the opening scenes……. Park your hypocrisy elsewhere, people.
But, that being said, I’ve got to get serious, even a little maudlin for a second. People, please, please don’t fall into the trap of letting yourself be separated from others based on gender, religion, race, sexuality, or anything else. Underneath it all, we’re all the same, and the only “race” that really exists is human. Don’t let black/white, gay/straight/bi, male/female/trans, republican/democrat, or anything else that the media plays up and most of us don’t think about all that much define you. Be YOU! A limited edition of one. You’ll find you’re much happier.
You’ll also find a lot of people much happier that Lord Darkharte is a limited edition of one, too…..
Anyway, that’s it for this month. Thanks for listening. Live long and prosper, you beautiful motherfuckers!